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Explore the kinky side to you, that you never knew existed. 

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be under someone's sexual rule? Perhaps you have wanted to experience a sexual encounter that is more aggressive, intense or demeaning, but hasn’t wanted to introduce that dynamic into your relationship, or you do, but you haven’t felt comfortable bringing it up. It’s ok to want to try something different from time to time, to explore your inner urges, but it’s not always easy to make it work in the bedroom.

Even if you manage to persuade your partner to participate, there is no telling that they will be able to play out the role as you desire. After all, that’s not necessarily the qualities you look for in a relationship - you chose them because of how kind they are, not how well they can demean you.

Having said that, it doesn’t mean that they can’t play along and build up an appetite for it, and this article explores some of the ways you can fulfil your fantasies in a way that works for both of you.

“With a little time, practice and a light-hearted attitude, you can be squirming your way to a dirtier sex life and who doesn’t want a bit of that?”

First, let's look at some of the most popular kinks out there and share some tips on how you can get involved.

You have likely heard of 50 Shades of Grey, the book that popularised rough and dominant sex, and hot encounters in a hidden sexual chamber. After it became a bestseller, there was an influx of women openly saying they had always fantasised about being on the receiving end of a dark encounter, but what does this really mean?

Well, let’s be clear that rough doesn’t mean violence. It means consensual and controlled aggression for the purpose of play. No one is physically harmed or left feeling unsafe during or afterwards.

Do You Enjoy Being Controlled


Handcuffs, being tied up or even gagged and chained are all popular kinks in BDSM. For the most part, BDSM boils down to acts of dominance and submission between people that trust each other. This isn’t just about being unable to move, it’s about the feeling of surrender, both between yourself and the person you are entrusting.

It’s also about feeling desired by the person in control, so much so that they will use force to have their way with you. It turns out there is actually an evolutionary foundation as to why you enjoy rough sex, but only when you feel a degree of control or voluntary loss of it.

There is an entire art dedicated to rope tying as a form of sexual control and it’s called Shibari. Shibari lets partners use a rope to seduce one another with creative tying methods. It’s not rushed, it's a drawn-out process intended to arouse the person giving up control. The rope, which is treated to make it softer than normal rope, is pulled up against you while it travels to the part of your body that will be bound.


There are several binding techniques that leave the person tied in a variety of positions, revealing and exposing different body parts. You could be kneeling, with your hands and feet bound behind your back, leaving your front side open and exposed to touch, tickle or even painful treatment (with consent), or you could be suspended from the ceiling, everything faced down.

Whatever the case, it looks and feels hot. One of the sexiest parts is the process of being untied because that is when there is the most opportunity for friction from the rope as the rope master seductively frees you.

Controlled aggression and pain

Everyone enjoys a little spanking, there’s no denying that, but what about taking it a little further? The idea here is to introduce a tolerable amount of pain and discomfort into your sexul encounters, often under the guise of punishment for disobedience. Can you see how it flows back to control and surrender? Spanking with a kane or flog can feel sexy, especially if you don’t know where and when it will happen - of course, that means you’re blindfolded too. Did you know that your body can take 50% more pain when you’re aroused because of the endorphins? That’s why they say there is a fine line between pleasure and pain. The sensation of being spanked can last for a short while after your master has stopped, which gives you a little time to be pleasured. It’s combining these two contrasting sensations that can really get your juices flowing.

Some people like to go a little further with clamping, which involves placing peg-like devices on sensitive body parts like nipples, the clitoris or the testicles (although they can be placed anywhere). It’s especially fun if you’re tied up and unable to escape or complain without being subjected to further punishment. Can you see the theme here?

Gagging and choking is also a really popular way to enjoy controlled aggression and dominance. It ties in quite nicely for those that have a fantasy of (consensual) forced sex.

Experience Virtually to See if you like it?


As exciting as BDSM may be, it can be quite daunting for the newbie. Luckily you can get a taste of the experience through VR porn without stepping too far outside your comfort zone. Luckily, you can enjoy this with a partner too, as one of you can wear the headset, while the other acts out the naughties. It takes the focus away from your early performances, so you can focus on the parts that feel natural to you

So, there you have it, an intro into a new life of kink, so what are you waiting for?